Author Topic: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition  (Read 4404 times)

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« on: January 07, 2016, 08:01:46 AM »
A new year. Yay. Normally I'd be shouting at a calendar right now, urging the month to get it together and hurry up to March, at least...but since the spring is when the skies try to kill us, I'm okay with the calm, if cold, weather. As long as it doesn't snow -- which I hate more than anything -- and the earthquake tremors stay mild (thanks for all the fracking, oil industry assholes), then we should be okay.

I still think bears have the right idea: stuff leaves up your butt and sleep 'til spring. I should look into that. But that may mean I'll have to gorge on salmon first, and I hate fish almost as much as I hate the cold. It's an almost Lovecraftian loathing, really. The man wrote "Shadow Over Innsmouth" just because he really didn't like fish...I don't aspire to such lofty artistic creativity, but I will bitch about it endlessly.

And then there's the Kindle.

The problems with having adopted a Kindle, at least for me:

1. As a devout neo-luddite, carrying an electronic device around is an uncomfortable experience. "But what about your cell phone?" someone will ask. Yeah, what about it? I'll draw you a picture: I routinely get into one-sided shouting matches with Steam when it asks me to protect my account by adding a texting-enabled phone number, due mainly to the fact that I don't HAVE a cell phone, much less a text-capable mobile device. "Who the hell do I have to call or text, huh? I'm isolated and alone on purpose!" I scream.

Well...mostly on purpose. It doesn't help that I'm a somewhat disagreeable person. And, according to my own mother, boring.

2. Books are generally no more affordable in digital form than they are in print. Granted, you can get the entire works of Lovecraft or Poe for 99 cents, but say you wanted all of Rex Stout's Nero Wolfe novels...that's where it gets expensive. The man wrote dozens of books in the series, and each one -- each one! -- will run you upwards of $5. If you're a completist, there is no other option but to do something drastic, such as cheat on your taxes or rob Fort Knox. And there is no option for buying the whole series, either.

Similarly, the works of Dave Barry, Stephen King, Douglas Adams, and Jean Shepherd are upwards of $11 each, which makes me wonder if the right people are in charge of this thing. The publishers are setting the prices, apparently; that's what we get for letting stodgy old farts take the corporate lead in a technological paradigm shift. 21st century technology controlled by 19th century sensibilities. And greed. Let's not forget greed. It's what makes the world go 'round.

To quote someone on Amazon:

Quote
I enjoy reading the free classics, but I did not just buy a Kindle to only read books written before 1923!

Also, I find it strange to pay $20+ for something that isn't *real*, if you get what I mean...

3. You can kill a wasp with it, but you really don't want to. Due to the weird-ass weather we had here in The Middle Of Nowhere in the so-called "Autumn" months, I killed no less than 11 wasps that had wandered in, confused. A good hardback book makes a satisfying crunch when wielded with extreme prejudice, but the crunch of electronics is not something I normally enjoy when it comes to insect extermination.

4. You need the right case for it. The right case is either black (if you're a man), or soft pink (if you're a woman). I opted for some kind of artsy multi-colored tree design, because when I need to find the device, it's usually sitting on a black surface. So I got something colorful that would stand out on my black table, at least. After I got it, someone remarked that it was "pretty."

Well, shit.

5. Literacy is overrated. You can't impress anyone with knowledge anymore. Look out there. Look at all those no-necked little monkeys. They're too busy flinging their crap at each other to bother with knowing things. Maybe that's why you can also use the thing to play match-3 games, if you really wanted.

6. The kind soul who gave me this gift, if they read this post, would think that they gave me bone cancer instead of what has turned out to be a cherished possession. Despite my guise as a disenchanted dipshit, I am not ungrateful. I liked my Kindle enough to buy it a case. Granted, it was a case that says exactly the wrong thing about me, but...okay, so I was listening to the Beatles' "Mother Nature's Son" at the time...is that so wrong?

"What were you thi--"

"BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T HAVE ONE WITH A SITH LOGO ON IT!"

Sometimes, I really miss 1984. I had an Optimus Prime back then.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #1 on: February 02, 2016, 01:03:48 PM »
On top of all of my disagreeable personality traits, apparently I'm old.

Not chronologically-speaking, that is. Some of you farts are WAY older than me. Look at you. Relics.

No, I mean "old" in a spittle-emitting "get off my lawn you lousy rotten kids!" kind of way. You don't have to be a wrinkly gent to have that sort of jaundiced view of the world. (Motto: "I'm not cranky, I just hate everyone.")

All clear? Good.

Anyway, as I was sitting through yet another episode of Lip Sync Battle, it occured to me just why I feel like I'm wearing a hair shirt whenever I watch it (that is, I feel itchy and horribly uncomfortable, like bugs are crawling all over me). Part of it is that sometimes I have no idea who some of the "celebrities" are (hooray for Google), but the real reason is that, out of any given episode, I may know perhaps ONE out of the four songs presented.

I'm not kidding. It's a rare episode whan I know more than two of the songs. It'd be a bleedin' miracle if I knew all four. I'm not a huge fan of modern "music," as they're calling it these days. Great googly-moogly. I'm old.

[Side Note: I don't consider rap and hip-hop to be music. Some dipshit babbling over a beat is not music.]

Underlining this was my attempt to watch the Shannara Chronicles -- which is shown on MTV, of all places -- and I stopped in disgust after perhaps a few minutes into the first episode, grumbling something about "teenagers with pointy ears."

I can only imagine how adorably charming I'll be when...if...I get to 60.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #2 on: March 05, 2016, 01:26:41 AM »
An excerpt from A Compendium of the Declaration of Rules and Precepts Concerning the Sapphire Court of the August Personage of Silver, vol. 12

#27. Pizza shall no longer be served in court after 8pm.

Argument: What if there is nothing else to eat?

Judgement: Lick a wall until satiated.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

  • Master Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2467
  • Did anybody see my lenses?
    • The Foxhole
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #3 on: March 15, 2016, 05:02:16 AM »
We probably looked like that when we first played Portal (thank God there wasn't any camera near me back then) :biglaugh:

I love the girl when she says "I know this one it's something about the cake being a lie". She never played the game but she already know there's a cake and a lie in it... You can't beat urban culture, even the one brought by video games  :lol:


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #4 on: March 20, 2016, 02:14:37 AM »
I think the look on my face when I first experienced Portal would have conveyed to anyone watching that I needed a handful of aspirin and probably even a hug. Something like this:


But it is funny that she knows about the cake...hooray for memes. Things just slopping over into culture due to sheer volume in most cases. There are times that I stop and question myself over something I've said, wondering where did I pick THAT up?? For example, solving Jeopardy clues concerning specific plot points in a movie I've never seen. Did that a couple of days ago...I turned around and asked a hapless onlooker, "Okay, now just how the hell did I know that??"
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #5 on: March 22, 2016, 02:22:33 AM »
Vikings season summary thus far: "Wow. Do NOT piss off Lagertha!"

Grimm season summary thus far: "Wow. Do NOT piss off Monroe!"

If we -- and by "we" I mean "I" -- are (am) to suffer through a commercial break every five minutes, I propose that all of the commercials should be linked thematically to whatever we (I) are (am) watching. The possibilities are endless. Just think of the lady shaving commercials during the aforementioned Grimm. A fuchsbau in a bath tub, lathering up...

...okay, maybe not. It's something for the furries, anyway.

On a side note, has anyone seen the Big Bang Theory-themed version of Clue (the board game, not the movie)? It's been out for a while now, but something has always bugged me about it. The description:

Quote
Someone has meddled with one of [Sheldon's] sacred belongings and he isn't taking it lightly. He's sequestered 6 of his so-called "friends" and created a white board to analyze who did it, what heinous deed was done, and where the act of vengeance took place. Did Penny dog-ear the comic-book in the laundry room? Or did Howard dismantle the Shelbot in the stairwell? Only YOU can help Sheldon determine who the culprit is or bear witness to a life made miserable by a scorned man! Includes 6 custom tokens: Defiled Toothbrush, Wiped Hard Drive, Dismantled Shelbot, Stained Cushion, Dog-eared Comic and Erased Equation Board. Custom Game board. 6 Suspect Movers. 6 Personality Cards. Rumor Cards. Sheldon Cards. Custom Score Pad. Envelope. 6 Zinc ""Misdeeds"".

They really dropped the ball on this one. Anyone who has seen the show knows that all of the other cast members (not to mention quite a few of the audience members) have entertained thoughts of killing Sheldon. So why not go with that? The rewritten scenario:

WHO killed Sheldon with WHAT and WHERE?

Was it Leonard who killed him with the laptop in the hallway? Was it Penny who strangled Sheldon with the rope in the stairwell? Was it Wolowitz who shot Sheldon with the crossbow in the living room? Fun for the whole family!

Speaking of psychotic laughter, I'd definitely like to see the Special Olympics version of Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge. Actually, not so. I'd REALLY rather see an ex-MMA fighter take on a kid in a wheelchair. I know it's wrong...deeply wrong...but if we as a society are going to miss Heaven anyway, why miss it by mere inches? Let's get this apocalypse started, people!

And now...random stuff.


 

 


On a totally unrelated note, I've been messing around with the so-called "final" version of FakeFactory's Cinematic Mod (CM13)...and that guy needs some serious help.  ::)  More on that some other time.

Forum Restriction Notice
Some of the content of this post is not visible for  Guests.
You must be logged in to view the full content.

An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #6 on: April 22, 2016, 03:34:58 PM »
I'm gonna be rich!

I just got this e-mail from the Qatar Foundation, and they say:

Quote
Dear Recipient,

You have been selected to receive €950,000.00 Euro, from Qatar Foundation donation award. Kindly reply to the below e-mail for more details.

Yours sincerely,
Mr Rashid Al-Naimi.
Contact e-mail: [REMOVED]

Chief Executive Officer of Qatar Foundation Endowment.

An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

  • Master Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2467
  • Did anybody see my lenses?
    • The Foxhole
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #7 on: April 23, 2016, 08:54:50 AM »
I think I preferred the one from a few months ago from the alleged Nigerian Space Research and Development Agency that stated that one of their astronauts had been "forgotten" on a secret Russian space station that was abandoned in the 90s and... well, that went about that way (wait I'm digging the mail...):

Quote
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 1979. He was on a later Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 1989. He was stranded there in 1990 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. There have been occasional Progrez [sic] supply flights to keep him going since that time. He is in good humor, but wants to come home.

In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 American Dollars. This is held in a trust at the Lagos National Savings and Trust Association. If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth. I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 American Dollars. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

And bla bla... At least I enjoyed reading that one :lol:
« Last Edit: April 23, 2016, 09:00:48 AM by Starfox »


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline bobdog

  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3427
  • Avatar of Curiousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #8 on: April 23, 2016, 09:46:48 AM »
Wow! Now that's creative! I like to think that these spammers have a little workshop where they've abducted great fiction writers, and chained them all to laptops. Their release is incumbent upon them coming up with a great new "story." Speaking of, this TED Talk is one of the most awesome things I've ever heard about how one person dealt with spammers.

http://observer.com/2016/01/how-one-genius-comedian-trolled-his-spam-emailer/

Offline Starfox

  • Master Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2467
  • Did anybody see my lenses?
    • The Foxhole
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #9 on: April 23, 2016, 03:39:28 PM »
Quote
Wow! Now that's creative!

The most amusing is that if the story was true, he could just write to any space agency in the world and they would fork out the money to build a rescue mission on the spot. Come on, a guy who spent 14 years in space? They would be all over him. We already spend millions just to see how a guy resist to one year in space. Considering the science value the guy would have to beg Moscow to NOT bring him back to Earth.

Quote
this TED Talk is one of the most awesome things I've ever heard about how one person dealt with spammers.

Hilarious. I wouldn't do it myself because... waste of time as far as I'm concerned but the potential for comedy is obviously there.


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #10 on: April 27, 2016, 06:37:17 PM »
As long as they show creativity, I don't really mind being conned...actually, that's not true. I'd like to see them all dragged into the street and shot, but I can admire the effort they put into it.

Now, this may seem an odd subject, but I've always wondered about one specific aspect of movies/shows involving strippers: why is the stripper action always ruined by reaction shots of random dudes in the audience? For example, let's say a stripper is doing that Newton's Cradle thing with her bolt-ons, interspersed with quick cuts of ugly greasy mustachioed dudes. It's stomach-churning.

And when did the Ritalin Generation take charge of multimedia editing? Watching anything on TV these days is a tribute to the split-second attention span. After just one episode of any given half-hour show, I feel nauseous...and it's not just the fact that no one can write a goddamn joke to save their lives anymore.

And further mutating the subject...to the Amy Schumers, Melissa McCarthys, and Rebel Wilsons of the world: YOU'RE NOT FUNNY. PLEASE DIE.

And I hate Adele. I may be the only one, but I hate her so much. Her whiny singing, her crappy music...I'd rather sit through every single Yoko Ono song than listen to Adele.

And with that, I'm officially an old grump.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline bobdog

  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • ******
  • Posts: 3427
  • Avatar of Curiousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #11 on: May 02, 2016, 04:48:24 PM »
The funniest movie I've watched in the past few years is Deadpool. I laughed more during the opening credits, and I heard many others in my theater, than I have in years.

I think comedy is funniest when the situation is funny -- very few "jokes" work, including the verbal diarrhea that Melissa McCarthy spits out. The funniest people in two of her and Amy Schumer's last movies were the guys playing against type: John Cena in Trainwreck and Jason Statham in Spy. The females were horrendous, untalented and I don't think I laughed once at any of their antics or lines. Rebel Wilson is okay in the Pitch Perfect films, because she has a bit role. When she's more fully featured, she relies on "fat girl fall down" jokes, which definitely aren't funny.

Offline Starfox

  • Master Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2467
  • Did anybody see my lenses?
    • The Foxhole
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #12 on: May 03, 2016, 07:35:57 PM »
Quote
The funniest movie I've watched in the past few years is Deadpool.

I'll have to watch it. I just finished the game which is really one of the most crazy games I ever played (unfortunately challenged by a gameplay that could have been better -- but then again, I don't like platformers... if the thing had been properly labeled as platformer I would have probably never bothered downloading it; I would have missed on the crazy though).


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #13 on: August 18, 2016, 02:29:56 AM »
I finally saw the movie. Way to stay relevant, right? So, it was funny; afterwards I felt like I'd been assaulted, but still...pretty funny. On the plus side, the next Wolverine movie might be far more violent than before, now that they know they can make money off an R-rated superhero movie.

Anyway.

I have an idea. Let's hold the Olympics in some third-world shithole suffering from an outbreak of a nasty virus, complete with corrupt law enforcement and a poverty-stricken populace that subsists mainly on cash and goods acquired from mugging tourists!

Oh, wait. We've already done that. Greetings from Zika de Janeiro, yo.

Let us gather athletes from all over the globe and expose them to Zika, then send 'em back home. I firmly believe that, if the money had been good enough, the Olympic committee would have picked London at the height of the Black Plague.

As a precursor to the vuvuzela, imagine the thrilling sound of a stadium full of people having their buboes lanced.

Anyway.

Since I have zero interest in doing anything new, I've been tinkering with both FO4 and Skyrim. The former because I'm preparing for Nuka-World (for which I will use the only character I completed the entire game with), and the latter because I wanted to try some stuff before I give Enderal a whirl.

But Skyrim still can surprise. The place: Ironbind Barrow. The situation: fighting the (dead) warlord, Gathrik. Gathrik disarmed me with a Shout -- one of those features that make me want to punch Todd Howard in the goddamn kidneys -- and I beat him to death with my bare hands. (Note: do not try this with a vanilla race.) Afterwards, right before Beem-Ja decides that I would be the perfect sacrifice, Salma picks up my lost sword and gives it back to me, saying something about having found it.

I have never had that happen before. Astounding.

It's kind of like in Thief 2 when I blackjacked a Mechanist in the Precursor ruins, who had a health potion on his belt. He drank the potion, then hit the dirt. This was back in 2001, I think...actually, it was the subject of my first post (I believe) on the TTLG forums.

Next, I'd like to avoid talking about all the toys collectibles I've been amassing lately. I will claim that I'm a collector, and deny vehemently that I'm just buying them because they're cool.

Then again, I think I'll get back to work on getting those old HL reviews posted instead...
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

  • Forums Keeper
  • Totally Awesome Member - Won A Cookie!
  • *****
  • Posts: 2947
  • Avatar of Wrongeousness
Re: Random Babbling, 2016 Edition
« Reply #14 on: August 30, 2016, 02:15:57 AM »
The Situation: a car commercial, in which the concept of "precision" is hammered upon with great import by the voice-over guy.

The Irony: the voice-over guy keeps pronouncing it "percision."

Things like this have been bugging me lately. Okay, for example:

What Is Meant To Be Said: I'm going to the store for some eggs and ointment for that thing on my ass.

How It Comes Out: Ah'm goan tuh thuh store fer sum aigs 'n' oynment fer thet thang oan muh ayuss.

Also, it seems that "yes" and "no" have passed into dusty disuse of late. Examples:

#1

"Are you going to Scarborough Fair?"

NORMAL RESPONSE: "Yes."

IRRITATING RESPONSE: "I am."

#2:

"Do you have a permit to brandish a goat within city limits?"

NORMAL: "Yes." (Or "no," depending.)

IDIOT: "I do."

PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE, IF REDUNDANT: "Yes, I do."

If this seems nitpicky and somewhat odd, that's because it is. Also, and this may be tangential to the reasons for this outburst, avoid the vegetarian vegetable soup from Panera. I'm burping that shit up like crazy and in retaliation I've begun plans to wreak hell upon the vegetarians of the earth. Stay tuned for the apocalypse, kids.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

 

everything