Author Topic: Random Babbling: 2017  (Read 3159 times)

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Random Babbling: 2017
« on: March 13, 2017, 10:46:16 AM »
We're a quarter of the way into the new year, so I might as well start a new Random Babbling. And what better way to begin than to talk about my favorite subject: death.

It is said that the Judeo-Christian concept of Heaven -- assuming you 1) believe in an afterlife and 2) believe that there's some sort of reward for adhering to a set of insane rules designed by sadists with a keen interest in controlling your actions for their own selfish interests -- is a place where you can enjoy the things you enjoyed in life.

Here's where the hypothetical thing starts, just so you know.

Okay, say I've been good; I haven't murdered anyone, coveted my neighbor's wife's sweet, sweet ass, etc., and even managed to fulfill some of the extracurricular activites necessary to satisfy entry requirements. So I go to Heaven. But here's the thing: due to the repression of the particular activities which I enjoy, I haven't been able to actually DO them while on earth. Which, needless to say, is why I made it into Heaven in the first place.

Because what if I really, REALLY liked killing people? No one else in Heaven would like it, apparently. So no killing in Heaven...but then *I* wouldn't enjoy it. I mean, I'm not a pope or a king or a politician, so murder has been denied to me by both society and God (according to the mortal guys who wrote the so-called "holy" books; as if I believe that they had any more of a clue than a random rabid squirrel does about what an incommunicado deity wants or thinks). Due to my plebian status, even if I kill for God it's considered a sin...unless, of course, I kill for God at the behest of someone plugged into the What God Wants Machine. So freelancing is out. It has to be sanctioned.

So I successfully suppressed my urges. I haven't murdered anyone in cold blood or otherwise. So now that I'm in Paradise, do I FINALLY get to murder someone?

No!

Because it's all peace and love and freedom from the burden of homicidal rage! Yay! Flowers and kittens and happy unicorns!

So I don't get to kill anyone. Not even one of those anonymous nobodies from, say, the 4th century. Because that would be an inconvenience to everyone else's good time.

Heaven sounds like it well and truly sucks. Because with my desire to kill denied, I wonder how the hell I'm going to enjoy eternity when I'm also restricted from the joy of screwing anything and everything that moves. I can't kill anyone, I can't force myself upon them or their sister or their childhood pet...what's a boy to do?

Solution: go into politics. Or religion. Ideally, both. A televangelist who cares for the people so much that I was ordained by God Himself to run for public office. I'll send thousands of young people to their deaths fighting stupid senseless wars, get rich bilking my flock out of their pension checks, and so on. I'll get all of my kicks here on earth while I can still enjoy them, and still get into Heaven because, hey, I was doing God's work, y'know?

Although I still haven't quite figured out how to justify joyfully strangling lowly prostitutes in cheap motels just yet, I know that anything can be explained away if you just put your mind to it. Hmmm...

"We were communing with the Lord -- doggystyle -- when Jesus told me that the only way to save her soul beyond the shadow of a doubt would be to put my hands around her neck and squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeze.. .

"...and that I preserved her eyes and ovaries in a pickle jar is just God's way of inspiring the faithful."

 

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« Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 04:26:23 PM by Starfox »
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline bobdog

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #1 on: March 14, 2017, 12:11:45 PM »
 ::)   Oh boy....

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #2 on: May 02, 2017, 01:11:21 AM »
Those who say "don't hurt the birdies and the doggies!" will be the first to die. After the birds and dogs, that is.

Also, cosplayers. They'll die too.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #3 on: May 02, 2017, 07:57:42 AM »
uh... Cosplayers? Why? They managed to offend you?


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #4 on: May 02, 2017, 09:54:54 AM »
It was the first article I saw after trying to get a mockingbird to shut up at 1am. So, according to blind rage, they--


--uh...yeah, they all MUST--


--be...be cast into everlasting torment and--


--that is to say--


--all right, all right. They may live. One one condition. And that--


--gag...has just been thoroughly violated. I'll just pretend I didn't see that.

...although, that's a pretty nifty trick she has, balancing that tiny guy on the back of her hand like that. She must be fun at parties.

NOT SHOWN: Bai Ling. Because...okay, one relatively demure pose from her Comikaze 2014 appearance:


I just wonder, though, about what it's like to be a tattoo artist in this day and age.  :ss-weird1  I think it's a leopard...
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #5 on: May 02, 2017, 02:38:54 PM »
Oh yeah I see what you mean now. Sure, so bad for your health.. they should all be put in front of a firing squad like... right now  :lol:

Quote
I think it's a leopard...

I don't. I think It's a warning along the lines of... "It's toothy in there but... your call".


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #6 on: May 06, 2017, 02:19:41 AM »
Toothy? I wouldn't put it past her... :bigteeth:  :ss-ahhhh

Reminds me of a joke...sort of. I'll have to look it up to make sure. Maybe not. I do remember the punchline, which is usually enough: "Of COURSE you don't have teeth down there, woman! Your gums are awful!"

I'd like to throw up now.

Between the bird and the dog, I prefer the bird. But overall, I wish they were both mute. Or dead. Preferably dead. And burning in Hell. FOREVER.

On another note, the best thing about a root canal is the gas. They ask me how I am, and it's aaaallllllllll good, man. 'Course, I'm so tightly friggin' wound that substances that are meant to turn normal people into gooey happy jelly just make me...well...normal. Normal-ish, really. So I remain lucid. And people talk. By listening, I learned that to make sure my tortillas are extra soft, I should lightly brush them with oil, place them in a Zip-Loc bag, and microwave them for a minute. Also, a bit of kiwi added to a marinade will cause shredded meat to loosen up, acting as a tenderizer. "It's the acidity in the kiwi," I almost said, although by that time the left side of my head was numb and it would've come out "thith thuh uhthidithy," and I already get enough strange looks from people as it is.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2017, 02:17:15 AM »
It must be nice to be a bird. Sing all day, sing all night. The only worries are cats and some whacko with a garden hose trying to flush me out of my tree at 2am. I'm just trying to find a mate, mate. Can't a bird get laid, yo?

Speaking of birds: as part of the neverending penance for my many, many sins (not that I care in the slightest about the cosmic crapshoot known as "karma," but I've been told that I'm a horrible person and I should suffer...and I can get behind that), I've planted mulberry bushes and wear only white clothing, to paraphrase Cyrano de Bergerac, "to give them this to shit on."

This may be blasphemy, but I observed the other day, during a short road trip, that Roger Waters never squeezed out a song that he didn't like. And that's why I had to skip every other song on The Wall...
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline SlyFoxx

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #8 on: May 23, 2017, 12:27:05 AM »
MY fucking post got alt-whatevered.  So I do the short re-cap.   SilverS...God loves you but won't give you more to manage unless you prove worthy.  God owns it all, we are mere stewards of a small chunk of it. 

And as much as I love Roger Waters, he's got to grow the fuck up...daddy died long ago....stop milking it...you ain't the only one who lost a father. so stop being a self centered cunt.

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #9 on: May 24, 2017, 02:26:41 AM »
I sometimes hit the back button on my mouse by accident, usually after four solid paragraphs of...content? ranting? And I have the memory of a goldfish on meth, so reconstruction is something of an issue. It's a sign, I think...a sign that I should keep it short and to the point. The problem is that I often have no point whatsoever.

Anyway. I've been told that God never gives us more than we can handle. (That can go either way, if you think about it.) With that said, I just wish my personal ordeal involved less chirping and barking. But I'm getting used to the earplugs...

In short, it's something I'm learning: how to deal with crap and not lose it. For one thing, I'm no longer prone to destroying things out of sheer rage (it gets expensive replacing broken stuff). For another, instead of giving in to apoplexy, I breathe (I'm not stroking out due to my TV remote's intransigence, for example). And, most importantly, I'm learning to keep my mouth shut. So all these trials exist to turn me into a better person. Because suffering builds character, to quote a wise (if cynical) cartoonist.

As for Roger Waters: for your analysis, I think you would receive a vigorous round of high-fives from Gilmour, Wright, and Mason. (Well...Wright, in spirit, anyway.) :ok:
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #10 on: May 24, 2017, 02:52:49 AM »
Funny. I listen occasionally to Pink Floyd but I really couldn't give a damn to Roger Waters one way or the other. It's like "Ok there's some interesting music there but beyond that... meh".

As for noise, I sympathize, I really do, especially because the guy who moved in a few weeks ago in the apartment above mine thinks it's OK to drill holes at 10pm. See here's a difference... birds, dogs they all may make noise at undue hours but that's because there're animals (cats however are usually pretty quiet whatever the hour). They don't really know any better. I do have the example of a guy, supposedly intelligent (although intelligence is an abstract concept as far as humans go), able to make a distinct choice based on logical facts -- people need to sleep from time to time and they need relative quietness for that -- but... he doesn't know any better than animals. That's pretty appalling.

I had decided to cut him some slack,.. he's new, he just moved in, he needs work getting done in his apartment... I get that, we all do... But drilling at 10pm? I have to draw a line somewhere.


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #11 on: May 25, 2017, 10:13:14 PM »
I lived in an apartment under a weekend alcoholic back in...'90? One Sunday around 11am, I was practicing my rudiments. However, I was using the neoprene SoundOff drumkit silencers -- back when they were a thick slab of material and not the mousepad-thin variety -- and was thus being very quiet. He didn't like it, regardless. He pounded on the wall, letting me know that I was not making him happy. So I pulled the silencers off and let him know just how nice a neighbor I was being up until that point.

I should note here that at the age of 16, what I lacked in technical ability I made up for in sheer volume.

Then I put the silencers back on and went back to quietly practicing. Never had any trouble with him again.

Of course, this was back before every idiot in the world went totally batshit, turning every minor dispute into a potential CNN lead-story situation.

My point? Ah...got me there. But I should probably throw one together. Uh...pinpoint the sound, shotgun the ceiling, tell the cops you were cleaning it and it went off accientally? That would work here, but in more civilzed countries, I don't know...
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2017, 01:51:34 PM »
Quote
but in more civilzed countries, I don't know...

I can tell you. In our case, we don't have even the right to possess a shotgun without a hunting license (one of the two only valid reasons you could have in France with sportive shooting -- self defense is not an option). Oh and yeah, having a hunting license is not as easy as just asking for one. You even have to pass an exam (just to be sure you know that a human being is not a deer). You also need to have relatively clean police file that does not contain any condemnation for -- I quote -- "murder, assassination, torture or acts of barbaric nature, voluntary violence, rape or sexual aggression, drug trafficking..." (that point is actually for any weapon category). And that's just a category C (used for hunting or sporting) weapon.

Category B which include most pistols whatever the caliber and some military grade weapon at the condition that they are not capable of automatic fire can only be obtain with a shitload of conditions and only if the possession is justified by a necessity like participating in sportive competitions or the need for security due to a risky job (a jeweler for example can detain that kind of weapon as well as a security guard or a funds transporter). Me as a lambda citizen who work in computers... no can do.

Anyway the really fun stuff is in category A (assault rifles, machine guns, grenades and launchers...). this stuff cannot even get in the hands of anyone except the army and police forces. Only exception, category A2 which concerns military guns dating from before 1946 and neutralized (meaning you generally pour lead in the barrel or you alter the mechanism or remove the detonator to be sure the thing can't be used) to be kept for historical purpose. One still need an authorization for Cat. A2

So I guess to answer your legitimate interrogation the first thing a cop would tell me in case of a shotgun would be "How could you possibly think it was a deer". I don't think the "accident" excuse would roll well because really, only a moron can try to clean a loaded gun and typically morons don't get a hunting license.

Of course if it was a handgun the cop would tell me "Where did you procure that one" and I would answer "Fork a thousand Euros in the right neighborhood and pick one, how do you think terrorists and gangsters do?".

Then I possibly would go to jail for 10 years and be out after 2 for good conduct. Knowing that anyway the maximum sentence one can receive here is 30 years without parole -- no kidding that's what we call "perpetuity" (and we don't have the death penalty any longer since 1981)

Yeah, civilized but just a tad too much. I mean between the American system and the French one, I don't know which is better. possibly neither. In one everyone can have a gun with all the problems that entails but in the other only the authorities and the bad guys can have one virtually leaving the rest of the population as sitting ducks. All we can do is apply for a hunting license. With that said outside of both world wars guns have never been part of the French culture. Only real guns I used in my life were during my Army time and a bit later because for a time my brother had a Cat B license for a handgun. and I'm a rare case. Most French younger than 40 never even hold a gun in their life.

And seriously this week a teenager girl in a school got sprayed with alcohol then set aflame by another teenager. You can do harm with anything, even a rock or a pointy stick (in fact our ancestors began that way). the difference is that with a gun you can reach a larger scale. With an automatic one... a much larger scale. You don't even really need automatic. The Bataclan in Paris most deaths were due to single shot fire. Terrorists only used automatic when moving fast to cover each other (which incidentally showed they had military training).

But yeah, well, I'm digressing...

I was without internet for two days so I'm venting  :hammerhead:
« Last Edit: May 26, 2017, 01:56:22 PM by Starfox »


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Lord Mantrid

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2017, 10:03:05 PM »
For the most part at this point I just try to pretend Waters is retired somewhere and not still riding his one trick pony. I wish him and Gilmour could have come up with a system that would work, but it's an age old problem that plagued the best of them. Alan Parsons and Eric Woolfson come to mind, despite them remaining friends even after splitting over their creative differences. Now Woolfson has been gone 8 years now and we'll never know what awesome things could have been done had they even did a one off thing. Oh well.
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Offline bobdog

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Re: Random Babbling: 2017
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2017, 03:49:30 PM »
Starfox, I was thinking you said you'd been in the army, but i guess you had to turn all the ordinance back in.