Author Topic: These Cereal Bars Are Great  (Read 95 times)

Offline Silver Sorrow

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These Cereal Bars Are Great
« on: September 20, 2019, 11:51:08 AM »
Lucky Charms compressed into cereal bars. Utter brilliance.

Anyway, let's talk air conditioning. The object in question is a 12 year old A/C unit. Maintained well enough; has some "biological" growth on the PVC...which means there's a bit of a fuzzy green in evidence. Whatever. A couple weeks ago, it stopped cooling. I call up the service "experts" -- my dad had the deal with 'em, not I -- who come out and...well, well! It needs a new fan ($2300), a new capacitor ($400), it's probably leaking as well...in fact, I need a whole new unit! And if I sign up for their "advantage" plan, I could qualify for a brand new A/C unit. Hey, let's run a credit check, and...good news! You qualify for the 13,500 deal, which--

--hang on. Before I sign anything, let me call my uncle. Ah. He said, and I quote:

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I'd tell them to kiss my ass.

While I'm not at that level of assertiveness just yet -- give me a week or two -- I informed the "experts" that I'll be in touch. Conferred with uncles, who pointed me in the direction of an old family friend. New fan and capacitor, including labor? $475. (And it wasn't leaking.) Thermostat currently set at a lovely 71 degrees. So of course that means a cold front has moved in and...

...oh, well. Plus, the State Fair's about to begin, which is good because we needed the rain.

Also: what's the deal with Jennifer Lopez as a stripper? Sure, she looks good for her age (73), but really...if I were in charge, the main character would not be old enough to be a grandmother. Any random nubile 19 year old Latina stripper will do, even if she's not an actress. Seriously...JLo can't act to save her life, and look how far she's gotten.

But what's really bothering me is this: Bethesda's whizzed it down their leg. Because in years past, by the time I've perfected my character's look and got the game exactly where I want it, they come out with a new one. FO4 came out when I was finally happy with where I had Skyrim, and now that I have FO4 right where I want it...nothing. I'm at a loss. There should be a new TES game by now. I may have to just accept my fate and play something else? The thought makes me sick.

Eastshade looks promising, though.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2019, 09:38:33 AM »
Bulletproof backpacks.

Was there a study done that suggested that victims in school shootings were shot in the back? Because if the shooter aims for the head...

...in theory, I suppose that the child could just pull the bag over his or her head, or in the case of smaller children, simply crawl inside and -- thanks to modern zipper technology -- zip it up until the All Clear's been declared. (Picture rescue workers piling up Spongebob and Dora the Explorer backpacks in a neat pyramid for later perusal.)

I don't intend this to be an asinine comment on sad reality (although it certainly does come across that way, I admit), I'm just curious to see how far fear will drive people to stupid reactions. Bulletproof backpacks! The TSA! Seatbelts!

Well fine then, Silver...what's YOUR solution? I'm glad you asked, random imaginary person. I have several solutions:

1. Body armor for kids. All-over body armor. As an added bonus, it will feature the patented Touch-Me-NotTM anti-molestation system; if someone tries to touch little Jason or Jennifer inappropriately, an alarm sounds and somehow (I haven't figured out just *how* yet) kills the toucher. But slowly, so everyone can enjoy the screams.

2. Outlawing children entirely. If there are no children, there won't be any kids killed in school shootings, right? This wrecks the future of the human race, but any species that develops this sort of self destruction doesn't really deserve to exist anyway. As an added bonus, it will drastically cut down on people posting pictures of their kids on Facebook.

3. [Avengers: Endgame spoiler] Let time-travelling Thanos go ahead and snap everyone dead. That should wrap things up nicely.

Perhaps solutions to current problems shouldn't be sought from disaffected troubled loners with a severely misanthropic view of the human race (hi!). Attributed to abbot Arnaud Amalric before the massacre at B├ęziers, "Kill them. For the Lord knows those that are His own."

Oh, well. :ss-kickcan
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline bobdog

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2019, 10:56:39 AM »
Most people are taught that when you shoot, aim for the body because it has more mass and you're more likely to hit them. Cops shooting perps in the leg is a Hollywood myth -- they aim for the body. And aiming for the head, which in real-life is a constantly moving target, is even more difficult -- especially with these machine guns that shooters are using that buck when shot. So a bulletproof backpack is not the worst idea. They can turn them around frontwards if they happen to be running toward the shooter.

It's a sad state of affairs.

But enjoy the State Fair!! Get an Indian Taco for me.

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2019, 02:08:05 PM »
I guess the thinking was 1) the shooter would go for center mass, and 2) the kids would be running away, so therefore: bulletproof backpacks. Pretty damned dark reasoning when you think about it, but I agree that it's not the worst idea in the world. I know if I had a kid, they'd go to school outfitted like a Mech warrior, so...

The State Fair...y'know, it never even occurred to me to actually go; the last time I went, I realized I could've just hung out at Wal-Mart on a Saturday and achieved the same level of discomfort.  :ss-ahhhh
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #4 on: October 01, 2019, 11:09:52 AM »
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These Cereal Bars Are Great

You know you could have been banned for that if I didn't know you  :lol:

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I'm at a loss. There should be a new TES game by now.

Well considering that the next TES game is due after the release of Startrain, or was it Starfall? Starmap maybe? Oh... no... Starman, yes?? Anyway since nobody has any idea of the release date of Starfield, the odds to see a TES game before several years are remote, unless Bethesda decides suddenly to kill or delay Starfield and to prioritize TES; they could only do that to attempt to regain some confidence among their fan base. Bethesda know that they have no margin for error with their next game, whatever this game will be. So I guess they'll want to play it safe, which means even more delays and knowing Bethesda... a lot of silence. Anyway, communicating is not what they do best as the past year has shown.

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Touch-Me-NotTM anti-molestation system
I like that,very Robocop in intent.

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Outlawing children entirely.

This would wreck the future of the human race, maybe, but on the plus side it would be so good for the planet  :realconfused:

In other news maybe you've heard of the explosion of a Lubrizol factory in France last week. Well the said factory is (was considering the damage) less than 3 klicks from my living room; the smoke passed just over my head for most of the day... So I can expect a cancer in the next 10 years. Well, I expect most of Rouen population will be decimated at the very least  :hammerhead: We still don't know exactly what the fumes contained. The explosions were nice though, they woke me up at 5:30 in the morning and I was like "OK, who are we at war with now?". Then there was a low flying helicopter then another set of explosions then another (or maybe the same) helicopter then alert sirens (you know the kind they use for wartime bombing and such)  so it hit me "well, that must be something serious then" and I went back to sleep... seriously.

Sometimes in the world we live in, one cannot be bothered.


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #5 on: October 04, 2019, 01:33:18 AM »
If my devotion to Lucky Charms cereal bars means banishment, then...to hell with 'em. I'll eat toast.  ;D

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Well considering that the next TES game is due after the release of Startrain, or was it Starfall? Starmap maybe? Oh... no... Starman, yes?? Anyway since nobody has any idea of the release date of Starfield, the odds to see a TES game before several years are remote, unless Bethesda decides suddenly to kill or delay Starfield and to prioritize TES; they could only do that to attempt to regain some confidence among their fan base. Bethesda know that they have no margin for error with their next game, whatever this game will be. So I guess they'll want to play it safe, which means even more delays and knowing Bethesda... a lot of silence. Anyway, communicating is not what they do best as the past year has shown.

I wonder if there's a high divorce/separation rate amongst Bethesda employees. They're so lousy at communication that things cannot be all that great at home...

"Why won't you talk about about Starwhatsit?"

"..."

"It's clearly bothering you, Jim. I'm your wife, for God's sake...you need to tell me things!"

"..."

"Jim?"

"..."

"Jim??"

"..."

"JIM!"

"Woman, you tryin' to destroy me??"

[Narrator] But Jim had said too much. The Bethesda Kill Truck had been dispatched. Although his wife and children would eventually heal in time, holidays and family gatherings would always be bittersweet reminders of Jim's effect on their lives.

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This would wreck the future of the human race, maybe, but on the plus side it would be so good for the planet 

That's true. But there may be a different solution: we must think of promoting MORE children, because what would we eat when should we continue to pollute, destroy, and overfish and overfarm? There's the elderly, but I prefer my food to be...well, not so stringy. Yes, when "Veal" becomes the most popular baby name, children are indeed our future... :evil1:

I also have an idea or two about combining the homeless' soup kitchens with animal shelters, but I get enough death threats from the short-sighted as it is.

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In other news maybe you've heard of the explosion of a Lubrizol factory in France last week.

I'm not sure. All anyone on the news talks about anymore is how much they hate Trump. But I'm sure they'll find a way to blame him for it, too. ::)

Anyway, good to hear you're okay. Just don't breathe deeply or eat anything grown locally for the next few decades, and you should be just fine. Until you start growing a third arm on your back, that is.  :lol:

(One headline: "Anxiety, questions linger after French chemicals inferno" Ya THINK???)

But I hope they get it cleaned up quickly. No one needs that shit. It's like when they were doing all that fracking here; we were having more tremors than California. Not kidding. It got to the point where I'd just sleep through the shakes; until the Devon Tower falls over (hopefully crushing [name of weather guy I don't like but will not name for legal reasons], there's no need to get our collective panties in a twist. I think there was a woman on the news who had some ceramic kitties fall off her mantlepiece, but other than that...we dealt with it.

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The explosions were nice though, they woke me up at 5:30 in the morning and I was like "OK, who are we at war with now?". Then there was a low flying helicopter then another set of explosions then another (or maybe the same) helicopter then alert sirens (you know the kind they use for wartime bombing and such)  so it hit me "well, that must be something serious then" and I went back to sleep... seriously.

Sometimes in the world we live in, one cannot be bothered.

Exactly so.  :ok:  I sleep through tornado sirens; I figure my soul is prepared, so why worry about dying when I could be sleeping? My one fear is that if a tornado does hit my house, I'll somehow survive and then I'll have to deal with insurance and contractors and all that nonsense.
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Silver Sorrow

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #6 on: October 04, 2019, 09:38:54 AM »
And a day after I post my own version of A Modest Proposal, I see this: 'We Got to Start Eating Babies': Ocasio-Cortez Town Hall Hears Bizarre Climate Change Proposal

:biglaugh:

She was trolling them obviously, but note that Occasional-Cortex didn't exactly reject her plea to eat babies...

...just know is that when I grab a bottle of BBQ sauce and a butcher knife and chase pregnant women through the park, I'm only thinking of the planet's future. :angel:
An interview with Kim Kardashian? Who wants to see that? I'd rather see an interview with the mortician's assistant who had to piece her head back together so they could have an open-casket funeral.

Offline Starfox

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Re: These Cereal Bars Are Great
« Reply #7 on: October 04, 2019, 03:36:35 PM »
Wait so that means that the American establishment has their eyes on us? They listen to us? Yea time to push along the full agenda of slightly controversial but always  fun ideas. Who knows, some of them might even end up being adopted like... stabilizing or even decreasing the planet population. I know, so crazy, so abnormal thinking... it boggles the mind.

Silver... you're on  :lol: Go crazy take the shot... and the heat and all kinds of hate mail.

Eating babies... I won't even touch that one with a ten feet pole... sorry. I'm still attached to my cojones and in no urge to see them ripped off (at least, not in that way :purplelaugh: ) but be my guest.


Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world. -- A. Einstein

 

everything